Calming Outdoor Activities For The Summer

Doesn't that couple  look relaxed and are having a good time ? Summer is a fun season with lots of activities to do and that can tire you out and make you stressed. So, you need time to relax and unwind while still getting exercise in the picture. So, we did some research and found a great article from Huffington Post lifestyle that gives you some calming outdoor activities to try.



1) Walk In the Park

Taking a 30-minute stroll through the park can shift your mind into a state of zen. Recent U.K. research found that walking through green spaces can help put the brain into a state of meditation.


2) Gardening
Gardening can be a form of meditation that allows you to spend time in nature while immersing yourself in a calming activity. One study from the Netherlands found that gardening can decrease cortisol levels and boost mood among people who had just completed a stressful task. Even 30 minutes of leisure reading didn't provide the same stress-relieving benefits, Health.com reported.


3) Yoga
Yoga can be an effective stress reliever, and you can make your practice even more relaxing during the summer by moving outside. Bring your mat to a park in the morning when it's quiet and practice these stress-busting yoga moves, or find a local studio that offers "Yoga in the Park" classes.

   4) Taking The Dog Out

In addition to enjoying the tension-busting advantages of walking in nature, spending time with a pet can also help ease anxiety and calm the mind. A 2002 SUNY Buffalo study found that conducting difficult tasks becomes less stressful when a pet is present.

"While the idea of a pet as social support may appear to some as a peculiar notion, our participants' responses to stress, combined with their descriptions of the meaning of pets in their lives, suggest to us that social support can indeed cross species," writes lead author Karen Allen, Ph.D., in the study published in the journal of Psychosomatic Medicine.

5) Explore A New Bike Path

This is one summer activity that's good for the mind and the body, especially outside on a sunny day. Physical activity -- and cardio exercise in particular -- can boost self-confidence and improve symptoms associated with mild depression and anxiety, on top of the added benefits of being outdoors.

6) Outdoor Meditation

 

Mindfulness meditation has been shown to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol -- and spending time in nature can also slash anxiety.Find a quiet spot in your backyard or the park and try this "Sounds and Thoughts" meditation from Mindfulness author Danny Penman. The guided meditation can help you to calm your mind by shifting attention to the ambient sounds around you.

 

These activities can assist you in feeling calm while keeping a healthy lifestyle intact. Be sure to enjoy your summer and RELAX ! If you would like to contact us with any questions or feedback you can reach us by email.

Thank you for visiting !

Joseph A. Jones & The WellLife Team

How To Deal With Difficult People During The Holidays

We have all  made that face or at least felt that way. Yes, Holidays can be quite stressful. They make you want to scream or even pull your hair out. You love your family and friends but sometimes it can be quite overwhelming dealing with difficult people during the holidays. This leads us to an important question. How do you deal with difficult people during the holidays? Well, we found some real effective ways to cope and overcome them. 


1) Define your boundaries.

As hard as it may be to acknowledge sometimes, you set the boundaries in your relationships. Think of people who don't seem to get pushed around––you'll recognize immediately that such people have clarified their boundaries with you and you know not to cross them. And no matter how much it may bug you when such a person won't budge to your bidding, you'll always have respect for such people. This is something you can initiate too, making clear boundaries in your own mind first, then asserting yourself when someone doesn't take the hint and tries to cross your boundaries. This is how to restore balance and cope around difficult personality types. By seeing things as in your control, you take away the power of the manipulator, the judge, the moaner or the victim to set off your buttons. It is empowering to acknowledge that while you can't change people, you can always change your way of reacting to them.

• Recognize that it is all right to satisfy your own needs and to keep your sense of well being intact. A relationship that causes you to feel violated is never healthy and doesn't deserve to be pandered to.

• Define boundaries which you consider to be bottom lines that should not be crossed, ones that make you feel violated when they are. For example, if you value your privacy and a relative insists on frequent unannounced drop-in visits, that may be a bottom line for you.

• Realize that you're not alone. All around the world people are constantly reassessing their relationships with people who demand and never give. Unfortunately, patterns get set in stone when we give in to demanding people and in many cases, the pattern is handed down through families, with undeserved deference passed on as baggage from relatives who have never learned to set boundaries themselves. You can break the cycle and while it may upset some people, that upset is a result of their recognition that you're calling them out on their manipulative behavior.

2) Verbalize your boundaries.

Things left unsaid usually get interpreted as agreement to the other person's actions and expectations. You do need to speak up and don't worry, it's a skill that everyone can learn. It can be very helpful to use the technique of nonviolent communication, in which you observe the situation, acknowledge your feelings, determine your need (such as a need for space, for not being verbally abused, etc.) and then make a request for the behavior toward you to change or cease.

• Expect surprise or feigned ignorance in some cases. Many people have gone for years without verbalizing their pain, discontent or irritation toward another person. The annoyance sits there inside, bubbling away and may result in complaining to the wrong people (think about the times you've moaned to your kids about overbearing Aunt Mary but you've never actually asked Aunt Mary to consider the impact of her comments or actions on you and your family). As such, you may find that the other person won't take you seriously at first, when you begin asserting your boundaries.

• In some cases, there may be a "shock" reaction (usually feigned) at the mere suggestion that you dare attempt to put restrictions on this behavior. Just let that person have his or her reaction, but stand your ground anyway. It is going to take concerted repetition to show this person you have changed and mean business.

3) Enforce your boundaries.

Try to enforce with kindness and compassion at first––after all, there's a good chance you've allowed this behavior to go on for years, which makes you partly to blame for the fact that your relative has not learned the behavior you want from him or her. But if that fails, and your relative doesn't respond to gentle reminders, here's a no-nonsense approach to enforcing your boundaries:

• Let the other person know that for the next 30 days, you intend to strictly enforce the boundaries you’ve described.

• Make it clear that if that person violates your boundaries even once during those 30 days, you will then begin a 30-day communications blackout. For 30 days, you simply have no contact with the other person. No drop-in visits (if s/he shows up, you firmly say, "Sorry, we just aren't ready for visitors right now. Also, we are not having contact with you at this time, remember? That is to help you with our new rules."), no phone calls, no emails, nothing––unless it’s absolutely mandatory.

• After the 30-day fasting period, you can restart the original 30-day boundary-enforcement trial and repeat the process.

4) Be totally transparent about what you’re doing when you seek to establish new ground rules for future interactions.

 Let the other person know that you’re resorting to this process because s/he's left you no choice; remind him or her that you've made many attempts to clarify how serious you were, but that those attempts were ignored. Say that you want a fresh start, so that a new relationship that you can both enjoy can grow, and that by taking a 30-day break, you hope to make a clean start, both understanding how to respect one another's boundaries.

• The first attempt at a 30-day blackout will probably be filled with attempts to contact you. You will rebuff the attempts by not responding to them. Hopefully, the attempts peter out, and you finish the 30 days in peace.

• However, if your relative is relentless and will not respect your request for 30 days, then you need to inform him or her that you're going to have to take stronger measures. Reset your calendar to Day 1. From this time forward, if the other person attempts to make contact with you at all during the 30-day blackout, the 30 days resets to Day 1. Be sure your relative understands the rules of this game, don't just do it without letting him or her know what you expect, and what the consequences of violating your request will be.

 5) End things where there is no chance of improved future interactions.

If the rules are breached more than a couple of times and you reach the point where you’re pretty clear that the other person has no intention of respecting your boundaries whatsoever, regardless of your attempts to enforce them, then you’re done. The relationship cannot continue in its current form. If the other person can’t even respect your boundaries for 30 days, then what kind of future do you have together? It means that your boundaries will be trampled for as long as you allow the relationship to continue to exist in its current form.

• This might sound a bit harsh, but keep in mind that before you reach this point, you’ve already expressed your needs clearly to the other person, and you were trampled. You owe it to yourself to take a step back and see if you really wish to continue this relationship at all. The 30-day blackout period is a time for both of you to re-evaluate the relationship from a distance. It’s also a massive pattern interrupt that lets the other person know with certainty that s/he crossed an uncrossable line, and enough is enough.

 

6) Disarm the Primary Weapon:Guilt.

If the other person attempts to use guilt as a tool of manipulation (which is extremely common), it’s fairly easy to overcome. Whenever you perceive the other person attempting to manipulate your emotions by making you feel guilty, bring the whole matter to conscious awareness by asking, “You’re not trying to make me feel guilty, are you?” The other person will probably deny it, but soon the pattern will re-emerge. Keep interrupting the pattern of falling into a state of guilt by bringing attention to the other person’s emotionally manipulative tactics. Simply keep asking questions like, “Why do you feel it necessary to use guilt as a tool of manipulation?” or “You must really find this upsetting if you feel it necessary to try to make me feel guilty to get what you want. Can we try a more mature way of discussing this?” You don’t need to beat the person up about it, but put a stop to the use of guilt as a weapon, once and for all. If you refuse to enter the emotional state of guilt, it will allow you to stay more objective and be more compassionate in seeing that the other person is probably using guilt because he or she suddenly feels powerless. By addressing that powerlessness, you have the opportunity to transform the relationship for good

 

7) Re-evaluate the relationship.

 

If the person refuses to change his or her way of interacting with you, think deeply about the worth of continuing your relationship with him or her. You might find that you harbor one or more beliefs that perpetuate the problem. If you operate under the belief that all family is forever and that you must remain loyal to all your relatives and spend lots of time with them, those beliefs are your choice, and you’re free to embrace them––or release them. If you find yourself with family relationships that are incompatible with your becoming your highest and best self, then excessive loyalty to your family is likely to be extremely disempowering to you. Think deeply about your own beliefs about family and loyalty, and consider the following:

• You would probably never tolerate the same behaviors in a stranger as you would in a family member. To push a family member out of your life might cause you to feel guilty, or could lead to a backlash from other family members. But genuinely ask yourself, “Why do I tolerate this behavior from a family member when, if it were a stranger, I would refuse to tolerate at all?”
• Identify the nature of the external conflicts you experience, and then translate them into their internal equivalents. For example, if a family member is too controlling of you, translate that problem into your own internal version: You feel your relationship with this family member is too much out of your control. When you identify the problem as external, your attempted solutions may take the form of trying to control other people, and you’ll naturally meet with strong resistance. But when you identify the problem as internal, it’s much easier to solve. If another person exhibits controlling behavior towards you, you may be unable to change that person's way of interacting toward you. However, if you feel you need more control in your life, then you can actually do something about your responses without needing to control others.
• Familial relationships can be complex, and cutting one person out can lead to your losing someone you really do want to have a closer relationship with. Decide which hills are really worth dying on, in other words, if you only have to see this difficult person two or three times a year, consider just letting it roll off your shoulder. Although you want to be the captain of your own destiny, it won't hurt you to just endure this person for a few hours, and the trade-off is worth it if you are keeping your other relatives happy by doing

8) Decide to love and let be.

 

You can love your relatives without having a particularly close-knit relationship. Maybe your personal values and lifestyle have moved so far from theirs that there isn’t enough basic compatibility to form a strong common bond anymore. Even though this might be the family you grew up with and shared many memories with, your core values are so different now that it just doesn’t feel like a meaningful family relationship anymore. Despite all these differences, you can be on good terms with each other and get along fairly well, but your differences create such a big gap that you have to settle for being relatives without being close friends. That's okay, it happens and you can stand strong and affirm what matters to you through the close relationships you choose to be a part of.

 

This is allot of information and advice to follow but it is very effective in learning to get along with these people during the holidays. A big thank you to wiki-how for their expert advice concerning this matter.  If you would like to contact us with any questions or feedback you can reach us by email.

Thank you for visiting !
Joseph A. Jones & The WellLife Team

Romantic Ideas For Valentines Day

Whenever you see roses and chocolate, you know romance is in the air. Yes, it is Valentines Day this month. To have a healthy relationship, it is important that you express your feelings with the one that you love. Valentines Day is one of the best days to do that. Here are some ways to express yourself and bring some romance back to your relationship.

Carve a heart in an apple and play the part of a sexy Valentine temptress a la snow white.. . only your apple is seduction.

Serve a romantic Valentine's Day breakfast in bed. Use cookie cutters and make heart shaped pancakes, heart shaped toast, and even heart shaped eggs. Add some mimosa's and fresh strawberries and you're guaranteed a great start to Valentine's Day.

Cook a romantic, multi-course Valentine's day dinner for two and fill the room with candles everywhere. Completely turn off every light in the house enjoy a sexy, sensual dinner by candle light.

Say Je t'aime this Valentine's Day with a gorgeous wooden box filled with decadent, gourmet chocolates.

Create your own 'Prescription for Love' this Valentine's Day! Take an old pill container and fill it with Valentine heart-shaped conversation candies. Create a label on your computer that contains the instructions: Take twice daily with a kiss.

Hide a Valentine's Day love note in their lunch, purse, or briefcase. Buy some pretty stationery and spritz it with your perfume lightly. Fill it with romantic thoughts and ask them to be your Valentine.

Leave little love quotes all around the house on heart-shaped (or just pink) post-it notes. You could even get creative and write one in lipstick on the bathroom mirror or with alphabet letter magnets on the fridge.

Send her flowers at work, but get creative. Instead of one dozen red roses, sent two dozen or even a single long-stemmed rose. Find out the meaning of roses and some creative ideas on sending them.

If you typically wear your flannel jammies or an old t-shirt to bed, surprise your guy with some sexy red lingerie. You're probably not surprised to hear that lingerie is what men look forward to on Valentine's Day!

If you typically send her a bouquet of flowers on Valentine's Day, surprise her by sending her two this year: one at home and at work!

Go for super sexy and surprise your sweetie with some smooth and silky satin sheets on the bed.

Dim the lights and grab her for an intimate dance to Martina McBride's "Valentine".

Turn your food into a day of love by eating red foods all day long: delicious, fresh strawberries at breakfast and pasta with tomato sauce for dinner.

Eat a dinner filled with aphrodisiacs complete with a decadent chocolate dessert.

Serenade your sweetie with a love song such as "My Funny Valentine" or whatever "your" song is as a couple. Don't worry about sounding bad if you don't feel you can sing, they'll be touched by your effort regardless.

Looking for something totally unique that she'll never expect? Give her a custom love song.

Wear red or pink lipstick and leave kisses all over for him to find: on the shower door, on the bathroom mirror, on his coffee mug, on the car window, on a Valentine's day card or love note, etc.

Get a box of kids Valentine's Day cards from a local store and fill them with love notes. Put them all in one large package for her to open or give them to her throughout the day.

Create a love song cd or mp3 playlist filled with Valentine's Day related songs or love songs that describe your relationship.

Fill his/her mp3 player or mobile phone with Valentine's Day songs or love songs that describe your relationship.

- See more at: http://www.romancestuck.com/holidays/february/valentines-day/romantic-valentines-day-ideas.htm#sthash.ohh5PGjX.dpuf
 These are wonderful ways to express yourself to your loved ones. A thank you to romancestruck.com for these useful ideas.  If you would like to contact us with any questions or feedback you can reach us by email.

 

Thank you for visiting !
Joseph A. Jones & The WellLife Team

New Year New You (How To Change Within)

It is a New Year and can be a new you. You can change and become better. There is always room for improvement. How do we change ? In many cases, change happens within. This change can occur within your heart and daily habits that make up your day. Here are some suggestions that can start you on the path of a new you.


Your personal growth is dependent on the new experiences you create for yourself. The problem is that we mostly live our daily lives from our minds memory, living your life from memory is easy and comfortable because you have a reference for it. Many people when they find themselves with completely new situations become hesitant and say no to life.

 

If you continue to live the same routine day in and day out many parts of your being will become stagnate. If you learn to experience life head on and in the moment you will realize that different aspects of your being will be used and in the process you will expand your awareness and perspective. Learn to be fully present in everything you do, then new experiences will become amazing learning experiences.

 

“Through travel I first become aware of the outside world; it was through travel that I found my own introspective way into becoming part of it” Eudora Welty

Creating a New Day

Every morning ask yourself what you want today to be like? Everyday as soon as you awake learn to watch and become aware of your thoughts. Your thoughts are essentially the constructs of your reality; a thought is a frozen moment in a stream of consciousness.
Have you ever noticed that when you wake up in the morning for a split second you don’t remember who you are? The next few moments you spend reorienting yourself with your identity. You get up and while brushing your teeth you stare at your self in the mirror, on a subtle level you are just remembering who you are.
If everyday you start out like this, having to remember who you are, what are the chances that your day will turn out to be unique? What if before you tried to remember who you are you remembered what you wanted to be? This is a radically different perspective in living your day to day life.
You remember who you want to be instead of bonding with an old self. In those few critical moments you have the opportunity to have an amazingly different day. When you awake in morning fill your mind with the thoughts of your desired intention for the day. Do this a few times and you will notice that you will start to become a slightly different person each day.

When you create your day it is created through your thoughts. The reason it’s important to watch your internal dialogue is so that you become aware of the theme that you are creating for your day. If you realize that through your thoughts you are sabotaging what you want to do, then change your internal dialogue.

It’s also important to not create things you can’t accept, because than you are not going to be willing to live them when they appear in your life. You say that you would like a new job, but if you are not ready in your internal world you will squander the opportunity when it shows up in your life.

Become Self Empowered

Contemplate this for a second; what attitude would you like to live? That you are a creature of circumstances, or that you are a master in the making who will overcome circumstances? That you are a powerful divine being, or that you are simply a powerless human part of a random evolution?

The attitudes that you adopt as your own will shape how you respond to your outside world and ultimately the life that you will create. If you constantly believe that you are a creature of circumstances you will continue to struggle and resist your environment because you see yourself as separate from it. If you learn to become the master of your internal world, you will learn how to work and move with your environment and will create opportunities for yourself.

Be yourself, become the observer of your life, learn to create your life from the perspective of the observer. Experience is relative to you, it’s your life. Learn to observe your thoughts. When you become a witness to your internal world, you will become very intimate with the thoughts and feelings of doubt. You can think of doubt as a word that explains the desire not to participate in your life. It is a barrier in the brain, it prevents you from changing.

Discover What You Are

What you are and who you are is very important. Understanding your true nature is vital because once you feel it, you will get the confidence to take baby steps into the unknown. You will get a taste of your true power; little by little you will begin to cultivate your god given abilities to create your life with joy and deliberate purpose.

To many people who read this, it may sound like a bunch of new age rambling. But to people who have had glimpses of their true potential will know that deep down there has always been something more to who they really are. They did not understand it, but they could feel that something was there. If this is you, I want to encourage you to keep exploring this mind set and live your life from this perspective.

You will prove to yourself your true power, once you begin to live your life from the inside out, instead of trying to make sense of your life from the outside world. There are no answers to anything outside of your self, change will only occur from what you change within yourself. Sure you will get ideas and inspiration from the external world, just don’t give it more credit than it deserves. The true catalyst and ultimately the manifestation came from the changes you made and accepted within yourself.

The only thing that matters is what you think about yourself. Please take the
time right now to “think about” what you “think about your life”. Really think about it objectively and without judgment. I think you will come to find that the things you have been living every single day, is all that you thought you where capable of. Except for these kinds of moments, when you stop and contemplate what you think about your life.
These glimpses if you catch them will help you wonder than remember; you just needed someone to encourage you. Start thinking that you are more than what you are everyday, and learn from the direct experiences of your life and you will develop your sense of knowingness.
When you start to change rapidly, many of the people around you will begin to act differently because you are changing. Don’t be afraid to change because you think the people around you will suffer. If they become jealous it is only because they see someone who is clear on what they want and see them move with it.
They don’t change because they have not developed the courage to change. Be
a shining example of what is possible when you learn to move with your life. It’s
up to them if they decide to stay in the normal and comfortable. You should not feel distressed, continue your journey. If the people you care about are one day ready, you will be there to offer guidance and support.
“When the student is ready, the master appears.”- Buddhist Proverb
Below are some ideas on how you can develop an eye for greatness. Great
things are all around you, you just need to train your self to see it. Learning to
become aware of new things in your surroundings will give you ideas to work with in creating a new you.

Developing an Eye For Greatness

Below are some ideas on how you can develop an eye for greatness. Great things are all around you, you just need to train your self to see it. Learning to become aware of new things in your surroundings will give you ideas to work with in creating a new you.

1. Try and think about new things everyday. Than take action by doing things that will fully engage the use and stimulation of your senses: Music, movies, people, philosophy, food, travel, communication, technology, sports, etc.

2. Keep a Journal; name it your book of “Thoughts and Ideas”. Each day write down everything you did. What music did you listen too? Book you read? What did you learn? What would you like to implement? What random thoughts did you ponder over? Overtime your book can become an amazing record keeper of your mental progression. It makes a great way of sparking ideas that have been brewing in your consciousness from days to months. By constantly reviewing your book your mind will construct patterns (associations) that can spark a new great idea from all the randomness.

3. Learn to see everything that is going on around you. You can do this by not focusing your field of vision on anything in particular. Learn to simply see with your eyes and using your whole field of vision by not fixating on one single point.

When you begin to think in terms of change you will constantly see opportunities and eventually create an opportunity that was never there.

Learn to observe how your friends analyze their surroundings. You might be able to come up with a brilliant idea by observing how your friends react to their surroundings. Look close enough and you will discover a need that is currently not being satisfied.

Keep your identity fluid; move with life, in the end all that matters is how you
played the game. Enjoy going into the unknown, and in the process enriching
your life as well as the life of others.Enjoy going into the unknown and in the process you will be enriching your life as well as the life of others.

These are wonderful ideas to look within and create a new you. Thanks to Ivan Campuzano for this life changing article. If you would like to contact us with any questions or feedback you can reach us by email.

Thank you for visiting !
Joseph A. Jones & The WellLife Team

How To Have A Meaningful Holiday

Christmas season is here. We have celebrated this holiday each year and sometimes it does not seem as special as other years. That makes us think that we have missed something or failed to make the holiday special. It is always important to try to make each holiday meaningful as you can. Keeping that idea in mind, we found some great suggestions for you to use.

1. Make a “Thankful Tree”

Take brown construction paper and cut out a trunk and branches. Then cut out leaves that are big enough to write a short message on. Tape the tree trunk to your wall and each day, have the members of your family write what they are thankful for on a leaf, and tape it to the tree. By the time Christmas comes, you’ll have a full tree full of thankful thoughts from your loved ones.

2. Give Fewer Gifts with Greater Purpose.

Decide as a family what you want Christmas to represent, and then assign those labels to the gifts you give.
Some like the phrase, “Something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read.”
Of course you can get creative with your own list. By doing this, you are giving the gift a meaning and purpose that will be attached to it for as long as it is in your home

3. Be a Modern Day Magi

The three gifts of the Magi identify Jesus as “King and God and sacrifice.” You can be a Modern Day Magi by making three gifts of your own. Make each of these as sacrificial as possible…not out of your excess, but out of your sacrifice.
Money. Give away some of your money to your church, another family, a special charity, a friend who is adopting, or anyone else you feel needs a little extra this Christmas.
Time. More valuable than money, give the gift of time by volunteering in your community.
Stuff. Go through all of your stuff and donate something of value to local charities that help the poor. Many local organizations collect furniture, toys, bikes, cell phones, clothing, etc. that is given directly to people in need–not sold in a thrift store.
Make your three gifts, and then on Christmas Eve dinner, gather as a family and talk about your gifts, why you chose them, and why they were important to you.

4. Double the Impact

Decide together that you will only purchase gifts from companies that give back to communities or families trapped in extreme poverty.
For example, you could purchase handmade gifts from people trapped in extreme poverty…like Timbali Crafts.
Using this guideline (or others you come up with), and you’ll be giving a gift that creates double benefit. And, by focusing your shopping efforts so narrowly, you’ll also learn much more about how poverty impacts families around the world.

5. Change Their Story

Change Their Story is about sharing your Christmas with orphans who are trapped by extreme poverty and sex trafficking. Children’s HopeChest created Change Their Story as a way for youto ask friends and family to spend their money on helping orphans–rather than buying Christmas gifts.
When you join the Change Their Story team, you will receive a free fundraising Web site and the tools you’ll need to e-mail all of your contacts. From there, you’ll commit to a fundraising goal and then ask your friends and family to make financial contributions to benefit orphans this Christmas. We’ll even help you write the support letters.
This Christmas, instead of buying gifts, ask your friends to donate on your behalf and help orphans escape poverty and human trafficking.

Read more: http://blog.beliefnet.com/redletters/2011/11/5-ways-to-make-christmas-more-meanginful-this-year.html#ixzz2ExU2FfjO


These are great ideas to use to ensure a meaningful Christmas brought to you by beliefnet.com.If you would like to contact us with any questions or feedback you can reach us by email.

Thank you for visiting !
Joseph A. Jones & The WellLife Team

Ten Tips For Avoiding Thanksgiving Day Stress

Holidays can be wonderful but also stressful. It has allot to do with how you  view  expectations of holidays and your relationships with family and friends. With that said, it is always good to get tips and advice to use so you can have a stress free or reduced stress holiday. So, we have found some useful tips that you can follow this Thanksgiving.

1. Set Boundaries: When to Say No

I have a good friend, let's call her Jennifer, who is expected to cook dinner for her entire family (5 aunts, 6 uncles, 11 rambunctious teenagers, the grandparents, her husband, and her kids) every Thanksgiving. For whatever reason, Jennifer was slotted as the expert cook many years ago in her family, and now, why wouldn't she cook for everyone? After all, no one can do it like she does. Of course, if she is going to cook all that food, she may as well host, right? It's just more convenient for everyone.
Everyone except Jennifer.
I'm sure we all know someone just like her, and maybe WE are the Jennifer for our respective families. It can be hard to say no and hard to break free of family norms and traditions. But without speaking up and saying, "no," it is never going to stop. It is up to us to set the boundaries and limits of what others expect from us. By setting these boundaries, we can reduce our obligations -- at least some of them -- and thereby reduce some of our stress.
If you are the designated hostess or family cook, consider reading Nicole Levison's new article on Hassle-Free Holidays. She offers suggestions such as ordering out, or hosting a potluck dinner, where everyone contributes.

2. See the Whole Family, Just Not At Once

As the daughter of divorced parents, I've got a whole extra layer of houses to visit for the holidays. I used to try to see everyone each holiday...this was time-consuming, expensive, and stressful. Not only for me, but also for my family. I had such strict timelines of when I had to leave (to go see the other family member), that I short-shifted everyone.
By limiting holidays to one parent, (Mom gets Christmas, Dad gets Thanksgiving), I significantly reduced my stress and that of my loved ones.
Those with young children of their own may try to see every Grandparent for each holiday. Again, this may involve a lot of "road time" and not enough "lounge on the couch time." Consider hosting holiday parties at "off" times in the year or around the holidays but not on actual holiday days. This is one way you can avoid the multiple-house-holiday-fete and make the time you spend with each side of the family worthwhile.

3. Count to Ten

We've all heard this one before: when angry or upset, just count to ten and let your rational side gain control over knee-jerk reactions. It's easier said than done, but when you at least try to count to ten, chance are you'll be somewhat calmer when addressing whatever concern comes your way.
Around the holidays it is especially important to "check" yourself before reacting to a statement or suggestion that may be explosive. For example, if Aunt Judie calls you and says, "It would be nice if you changed the flights to an earlier time so we don't have to have dinner so late," resist the urge to tell her what you really feel at that moment. Take a deep breath, and respond by saying, "I understand it can be a real inconvenience for everyone to eat so late. Maybe you can have a bigger lunch with the whole family, and the dinner can be smaller? We just really want to see you."
This way you:

1. Ignore the debate of whether or not you can change travel plans (you made those plans for a reason so don't back down)
2. Address the hidden concern (everyone is going to be hungry waiting around for you)
3. Diffuse the situation by mentioning the true purpose of the get-together: to see everyone!

This strategy may not work, and we've all been in challenging situations with family members where they simply don't listen. But I guarantee you'll lessen any potential conflict if you react without anger.

4. Be Creative with Seating Arrangements

Let's face it: not everyone is best friends with all family members all the time. Let's say your husband has never gotten along with your brother. You can deny that the tension exists, or you can accept it, and simply sit them at opposite ends of the dinner table. You'll never eliminate potential conflict, but the key word here is REDUCE.
I remember being very excited when I was finally "allowed" to move from the kids' table to the adult table for our family get-togethers. It was only when I was older that I realized this privilege had to do with a combination of age and maturity. If you acted like a child and needed handholding, you were relegated to the kids' table in the other room. This served a few purposes, not the least of which was peace and quiet for the adults trying to enjoy their holiday meal! If your family consists of young children, it can be a good idea to separate them into another room. Of course, someone will need to supervise the kids but it can be helpful to take turns -- say, 15 minutes at a time -- so each adult gets a little time with the kids, while still being able to enjoy the holiday dinner.

5. Keep People Busy

Keeping everyone occupied during the holiday meal preparation and after can be one way of reducing potential problems. If everyone has set tasks such as setting the table, making the gravy, folding napkins...they may too busy to nit-pick anyone else. The same goes for after dinner, too. Give everyone a task before they are "allowed" to go watch a game on T.V. Maybe the task is simply bringing all the dishes to the kitchen or emptying the trash. Whatever it is, give everyone at least one small task rather than let a small group of people (often, the women in the family) take on the entire role of cleaning up.

6. Let it Lie

I have a friend who is a vegetarian. Thanksgiving has traditionally been the one day every single family member would preach to her about why it is bad that she is a vegetarian, why she should just taste the turkey once, "It would make Grandma so happy!" etc. She started associating Thanksgiving with a long day of justifying herself.
This is just one example of what I like to call, "Unneeded challenges during holidays." You might not agree with someone's choice of a car, food preferences, spouse, house payments, or vacation destination. But it isn't your life. Holidays should be a time to enjoy, but we all know that jealousy and insecurity tend to raise their ugly heads during family gatherings. If you are the one who is challenged during the holidays, remember that people who challenge do so because they may somehow be threatened by your choice. If you understand that, it becomes easier not to explode emotionally, and simply address the question with kindness. Some topics might not be easily explained or discussed, and a simple, "That's an interesting point." is a tactful way to avoid potential conflict.
And here is the hardest part: when others try to pick a fight (even if it is unintentional on their part), be the bigger person.

7. Deal with Finances

We may not buy presents for family members on Thanksgiving, but Thanksgiving is far from innocent when it comes to our paychecks. All that food costs money...and Thanksgiving is actually a bigger travel day for Americans than Chanukah and Christmas. The train fares and airfares are often three or four times average costs during this 4-day holiday.
As mentioned before, one way to reduce your cost for food is to host a potluck, or suggest it to whoever is hosting the family dinner. All those leftovers, if stored and divided up properly, can mean several meals for each family after T-day!
For travel, one way to reduce costs is to travel at off-times. For example, if the family dinner is at 4pm on Thursday, you could consider driving or taking the plane the morning of (depending on the distance). Statistics show a majority of travelers make Thanksgiving travel plans the Wednesday before -- and peak hours are between 2pm and 8pm on that Wednesday. Avoiding peak times might get you better prices -- and it may reduce stress. Less people means shorter lines, less traffic, and quicker travel times. That's never a bad thing!
If you and your family can avoid hotels and stay at a relative's home (if you are traveling), it can save big bucks. It might not be ideal, but for one night, it could be worth it.
Keep in mind that sleeping on couches and floors may be unappealing to adults...but younger kids, if you have them, tend to find this amusing. If you make it into a "big sleepover" night with sleeping bags and pillow fights, it might actually make cramped quarters, say, on a living room floor, "fun" for the family.

8. Get Enough Sleep

Stress begets insomnia...and insomnia begets stress. This vicious cycle can be stopped -- be sure to read our articles on Insomnia and help ensure a good night's rest.
Sleep is especially important during the holiday season, because we get so worn down during the day with extra duties. Holiday cooking, preparing to host a gathering, shopping for presents or food are all additional chores on top of our already busy lives. Take note of the fact that you're performing double or even triple duty. Sleep lets us recover from our hard work, is essential to maintaining an even keel when things get rough, and helps gives us needed energy to get through the holidays!

9. Stay Healthier

Holiday stress can feel a lot worse if you're not feeling 100%. Getting enough sleep is the first step to avoiding sickness over the holidays. Some other tips include a glass of orange juice each day, washing your hands as often as possible, and covering your mouth up when going outside into cold weather. A scarf can also double as a "protector" when surrounded by people at stores or on public transportation who are sick and coughing. Taking a walk (dress warmly if you live in a cold environment) can help you clear your mind, reduce stress, and help you get exercise. All of these things will aid in keeping you healthier this season.

10. Embrace Your Family, Flaws and All

Around the holidays, we are bombarded by made for T.V. movies that showcase the joy and love around the holidays. Real-life families are not perfect. The first step to having a good time around the holidays is to realize you will have potential conflict and that it is normal. The stories may be different from family to family, but we've all experienced some silly or unbelievable things during the holidays. Laughing about past holiday events can be a great way to break the ice if things start going downhill. Ask everyone to talk about the funniest or most embarrassing thing that happened last Thanksgiving, you'll be surprised at the bond this forms.

11. One Last Tip: Celebrate Those Who are With You in Spirit

During the holiday season, we are often saddened by the memories of loved ones who are no longer with us. If this is the first Thanksgiving without a dear loved one, it is normal to feel lonely, scared, depressed, lost, angry, upset, bitter, sad, resentful, hopeful, all in one. The holidays without a loved one can be particularly painful as we remember some of the beautiful moments we shared with this person or the things we didn't say or do.
Some families abandon holiday traditions after the passing of a loved one, but this can make the transition to life without them even more difficult. Surrounding yourself by people you love, surviving family members, or friends and neighbors, can help you cope through the holidays.
One of my cousin's daughters (she was five years old at the time) surprised us all last year by creating a collage full of humorous pictures of her Great-Grandfather and presenting it at a family gathering last year. She had a picture of him in a Santa costume "He didn't fool me," and some other laughable pictures. Not only did she diffuse the sadness in the room, but also she made us all laugh as we remembered the days the pictures were taken. I'm sure this is exactly what he would have wanted.

This should be useful for you to use as a guide to reduce holiday stress. A big thank you goes to Julie Brown for such a wonderful article.If you would like to contact us with any questions or feedback you can reach us by email.

Thank you for visiting !
Joseph A. Jones & The WellLife Team

Memorable Halloween Ideas

Those Halloween Decorations look great. We like to discuss how to make the most out of our holidays and Halloween is no different. This holiday is real easy to sneak up on you and then you are trying the last minute to prepare for it. So we wanted to give you some ideas to make it a special occasion.

1)Buy or make an exiting Halloween costume. If you are going trick or treating or a Halloween party. E.g if you cant find a cat costume you could:wear a black dress and leggings or a black long sleeved top and black jeans, find a plain black headband and make cat ears to stick on, draw whiskers and a nose on your face with eyeliner and stick a black feather boa for your tail.


2)Print out and color some fun coloring pages! Here is a website that is useful :http://www.coloring.ws/halloween.html


3)Buy some candy for other trick or treaters


4)Make some Halloween decorations and crafts for your front garden and house. Useful website:http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/halloween/


5)Invite some friends over and watch some scary movies or tell scary stories! You could even have a costume contest!


6) Go trick or treating! Wear a funky costume and bring a cute basket to collect candy in, you could go with friends.


7)Host a Halloween party! Buy candies and decorations, play music and have a laugh


8)If you don't like horror movies buy Halloween related movies like "scared shrekless" ,"scooby doo" or "Winnie the pooh - Pooh's heffalump Halloween movie"


9)Carve a pumpkin! If you don't know how to here is a helpful website:http://www.ehow.com/how_3983_carve-pumpkin.html. And if you aren't so good at drawing pumpkin faces go to google images and type "pumpkin templates" and print them out.



These ideas brought to you by wikihow.com will be sure to make some wonderful memories. If you would like to contact us with any questions or feedback you can reach us by email.

Thank you for visiting !
Joseph A. Jones & The WellLife Team